Ditch the Pitch!

Yes, you heard that right – that’s for all you marketing and sales people out there!

Now, I’m no marketing/sales guru – I’m on the other side; the receiving end; the ‘victim’ of sales spiel.

So, from a customer’s perspective, here are some pearls of wisdom that could prove valuable to you in the long run.

Have Conviction

Believe in what you are trying to sell – be it a product, or a service. And let that conviction show. For example, if you are trying to sell me a Merc, do not drive up in a Beamer. Or, if you’re pushing a Samsung flagship, don’t brandish an iPhone at me! In short, sell it if you truly believe in it – don’t sell it because it’s what pays the bills. Better still; don’t ‘sell’ (more on that, later).

But, please don’t try to park your bulldozer outside my window…

Do Your Homework

That brings me to my next point – try and find out a bit about me before you approach me. Am I the right person to sell a bulldozer to?! Don’t take the phrase “selling ice to an Eskimo” too seriously!

Know what I want, what my aspirations are, what I need, what my pain points are; then come to me if you think you have a solution that works. Not otherwise.

Respect the Customer

You are not Einstein, and I’m not the village idiot. So, don’t get started on how you know everything – you don’t. Don’t assume you know more about my territory than I do. Tell me what I want to hear, not what you want to say.  Give me a chance to speak – don’t hog the conversation. And, don’t impose yourself on me – if I say I don’t have the time to speak with you, I probably don’t. This is especially pertinent for pesky cold-callers. Value my time, because it means a lot to me.

Know Your Product/Service

Make sure you know your stuff thoroughly before you approach me. I’m not interested in listening to you making a speech (memorized from a script) – I want to know about the features that are different.

Don’t demonstrate to me a product that is work in progress – if I don’t see the feature, I don’t want your goods. If something does not work when you are showing it to me, you simply do not have it. Period.

Show Value

What do you offer that can improve the quality of my life? How can I really benefit from your product? What sets you apart from the competition? If you main ‘differentiator’ is price, don’t bother – I’d rather spend a little more for something really good, than buy something sub-standard just because it saves me a few coins.

Be Honest

If you don’t have it, admit it. Do not tell me a feature is available, when you’ve probably never even heard of it. If I’m out shopping, I’m looking for a product/service that suits my specific requirements. Not one that only has all the standard features, glorified to sound as if they are exclusive.

Importantly, don’t try to swindle me – do not try to dump something on me that is more expensive only because it means higher commissions for you.

Don’t ‘Sell’

Don’t sell me anything – assist me in the process of buying. I’ll trust you a lot more if you come across as someone who is sincerely trying to help me satisfy my requirement. Even if I don’t buy from you now, I shall always place you in my “trusted” list for any future requirements.

Don’t Berate the Competition

Your offering might be wonderful, but that doesn’t mean others haven’t done a good job at a similar product/service. When you start berating your competition, you are only really demeaning yourself. Every product has its pros and cons – yours does, too. Marlboro and Camel will both kill me – it’s a matter of choosing my poison, really!

And Finally…

Ditch that pitch! Don’t go along with a scripted sales pitch. It really irritates the hell out of a customer! Let the conversation flow, understand me and my requirements, and try offering a solution. For me, you are the face of the product or service – the brand ambassador. Command my respect.

Listen to your customers, and you could make the difference between a good sales person and a bad one. Or, you could just pass this off as the ramblings of a Scrooge!


Once upon a time, there lived a really mean terrorist named Assama (“The A$$”, to the world in general). He was responsible for a lot of bad deeds around the world. He was so mean, he would snatch ice-cream cones away from children and pull at pigtails when he stepped out for his evening walk. Children would scream and scurry away when they saw him coming. Yes, he was one bad cookie.

Like all bad people, he had to lay low once in a while. At the time of this story, that’s exactly what he was doing – lying low. The world was a wee bit pissed with him since he had been rather naughty, causing some discomfort to the most powerful nation of all – Oosafaay. The reigning monarch of Oosafaay, “President”, had declared a price on his head. Dead or alive. Preferably as dead as can be. Yet, in spite of five wives and twenty children, here he was – all hale and hearty; the supreme A$$! Continue Reading »

Teenage Woes

“You know what, Papa – the bloody problem is that nobody takes me seriously!” Stwabbit exclaimed one day.

Well, if that’s the kind of language you’re going to use, sweetheart, I’m going to have to take you seriously.


Since childhood, I’ve been told that:

  • God keeps tabs on you
  • God punishes you if you’ve been bad
  • You are answerable to God for all you do
  • God dictates the course of your life

It has finally dawned upon me.

God is – the Missus!

Off-topic: An interesting conversation about “my wife” vs. “the wife” can be found here.

Over the past couple of years, I realize I have completely ignored this blog. And, it’s not because my life has ceased to be exciting or because Stwabbit is now a big girl – I guess I should just put it down to sheer laziness!

In a retrospective moment, I woke up to the fact that this blog is an integral part of me, and killing it would be akin to killing a part of me. Now, that’s not something I’d be looking forward to.

So, here’s my New Year Resolution:

Shall post here, at least once a week. 

Since age is catching up on me, I need to have enough memories stored away for my fast-approaching fading years 🙂

Here’s wishing everybody a very happy year ahead, and to new beginnings!

An Event of Note…

Yes, it’s been almost a year since I last posted. A lot has happened since then. Leaving the unpleasant parts out, Zinfandel (the puppy pictured in the previous post) was followed by Rocky (Singh), a Spitz. Now, they’ve given me grand-paternal responsibilities – Zinnie delivered 7 pups a couple of days ago!
If you are a dog lover, head over to crosspuppies.wordpress.com for regular updates on how the pups are shaping up…

Back online


It’s been a while since I posted… a lot has been happening in my life.
To start with, I’ve switched jobs… after almost 6 years in the previous organization, I felt it was time to move on. So, I did 🙂

Apart from a new job, I also have a new member in my family – pictured above. She’s adorable…